What I'm about to rant on about [mostly] meaninglessly for paragraph after paragraph is something that guys probably won't understand, but who am I to tell you to stop reading- -infact, read on. Internalize the message. Pass it on.
I am not saying that I'm speaking for ALL girls (but I probably am). I'm just going to speak for myself and my own experiences. Ever since I've reached "sexual maturity"....no, strike that....ever since I've had breasts large enough to render me physically capable of reproducing to outside eyes, there has been a drastic and cruel misinterpretation of any ailment I could possibly be afflicted with that seems to default to "pregnant."
I haven't had the flu or a cold for a while, but currently I have a case of the stomach flu which is pretty much going around and also ruining my day. Two nights ago I awoke and vomited for a while and felt generally nauseous for the entirety of the following day. When I voice that I'm not feeling well at work, IMMEDIATELY the first thing people want to throw out there is, "Maybe you're pregnant."....Really? Well maybe you should be sterilized to prevent you from polluting the global gene pool with your ignorant genes.
Even my nerdy boss asked me if I was pregnant yesterday when I told him I was going home early. Of course he said it with a managerial grin that alleviated him from the repercussions of me taking him seriously...but still. It was bad enough that I had to make my way through the cubicle gauntlet of "Maybe you're pregnant" on my way to his office. The only injustice greater than me working my shitty job, is me getting pregnant.
So, because I am throwing up and nauseous, I can't possibly have a stomach flu....or food poisoning?!?! Immediately it becomes an issue of me having a proverbial bun in the oven. For the record, and if you haven't all ready gotten a general sense of my feelings....I resent this to no end. It’s a problem.
In high school, I could be throwing up, have missed my period, have a fever and be gaining weight....and they school nurse would optimistically suggest, "you're just stressed out." Yay, love it (although it did always surprise me, given my high school's staggering teen pregnancy statistic). What happened to those days? Once I went to college I could walk into Health Services congested and coughing give-or-take chicken pox, (give-or-take, bleeding through my pants) and the nurses would just stare blankly with that dead-behind-the-eyes look before asking, "Um....when was your last period?.....we better give you a pregnancy test just to rule that out." Or, I'd go into Health Services with a headache and request Tylenol and they ask for a urine sample. C'MON!!!! I'm pretty sure those crafty UNH nurses could sneak a pregnancy test in there without you even noticing...it's only revealed later as you're checking over your bill statement and there is a microscopic footnote on the bottom indicating you're not pregnant.
By now you're thinking, Oh, silly Emily and her crass exaggerations, but nay....this shit happens ALL THE TIME. I don't know what I resent more....having to endure all the unpleasantries of being sick....or having to endure all of the cliché halfwits inquiring as to whether I'm possibly expecting WHEN I'm sick. Let me make this clear- -you'll know when I'm pregnant, folks....It will be like a one-man enactment of "hormonal apocalypse" starring me (probably not super well-received on the Indie circuit). Also the pissed off look and the constant screaming, "Why God? Why?" Then and only then can you ask me if I'm pregnant, but by that point I'm bound to cause you bodily harm.
I am not saying that I'm speaking for ALL girls (but I probably am). I'm just going to speak for myself and my own experiences. Ever since I've reached "sexual maturity"....no, strike that....ever since I've had breasts large enough to render me physically capable of reproducing to outside eyes, there has been a drastic and cruel misinterpretation of any ailment I could possibly be afflicted with that seems to default to "pregnant."
I haven't had the flu or a cold for a while, but currently I have a case of the stomach flu which is pretty much going around and also ruining my day. Two nights ago I awoke and vomited for a while and felt generally nauseous for the entirety of the following day. When I voice that I'm not feeling well at work, IMMEDIATELY the first thing people want to throw out there is, "Maybe you're pregnant."....Really? Well maybe you should be sterilized to prevent you from polluting the global gene pool with your ignorant genes.
Even my nerdy boss asked me if I was pregnant yesterday when I told him I was going home early. Of course he said it with a managerial grin that alleviated him from the repercussions of me taking him seriously...but still. It was bad enough that I had to make my way through the cubicle gauntlet of "Maybe you're pregnant" on my way to his office. The only injustice greater than me working my shitty job, is me getting pregnant.
So, because I am throwing up and nauseous, I can't possibly have a stomach flu....or food poisoning?!?! Immediately it becomes an issue of me having a proverbial bun in the oven. For the record, and if you haven't all ready gotten a general sense of my feelings....I resent this to no end. It’s a problem.
In high school, I could be throwing up, have missed my period, have a fever and be gaining weight....and they school nurse would optimistically suggest, "you're just stressed out." Yay, love it (although it did always surprise me, given my high school's staggering teen pregnancy statistic). What happened to those days? Once I went to college I could walk into Health Services congested and coughing give-or-take chicken pox, (give-or-take, bleeding through my pants) and the nurses would just stare blankly with that dead-behind-the-eyes look before asking, "Um....when was your last period?.....we better give you a pregnancy test just to rule that out." Or, I'd go into Health Services with a headache and request Tylenol and they ask for a urine sample. C'MON!!!! I'm pretty sure those crafty UNH nurses could sneak a pregnancy test in there without you even noticing...it's only revealed later as you're checking over your bill statement and there is a microscopic footnote on the bottom indicating you're not pregnant.
By now you're thinking, Oh, silly Emily and her crass exaggerations, but nay....this shit happens ALL THE TIME. I don't know what I resent more....having to endure all the unpleasantries of being sick....or having to endure all of the cliché halfwits inquiring as to whether I'm possibly expecting WHEN I'm sick. Let me make this clear- -you'll know when I'm pregnant, folks....It will be like a one-man enactment of "hormonal apocalypse" starring me (probably not super well-received on the Indie circuit). Also the pissed off look and the constant screaming, "Why God? Why?" Then and only then can you ask me if I'm pregnant, but by that point I'm bound to cause you bodily harm.
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