Forced Guest Bloggers: Installment One

I've been trying to get guest bloggers on this piece for a long time...mostly because I happen upon imbalanced lunatics every day. For whatever reason, everyone is gun shy...maybe it's because my guest blogger pitch goes a little something like this:

Me: "Hey, you should contribute to my blog."
Other Seething Jackass: "Awesome!"
Me: "Cool, well it's a PMS Blog. It's basically a safehaven for the bitchy and insane to communicate their skewed opinions about the world...and no one really reads it....or cares what you have to say. So...eh?"

Why do I get to be the only unsung-run-of-the-mill-crazy female which a chip on her shoulder and an annoying abundance of opinions and nonsense to share with the world?!?! (That last part was funny because of the glaring irony...try to keep up; this isn't a sing-along, Folks.) It's for this reason that I'm going to exercise the majestic might of non-consensual cutting and pasting- -so now my friends and co-workers get to be part of the bitchiest blog on the Interwebs without even wanting to be or knowing they are. That just feels nice, like a pair of wool thongs.

I haven't figured out what I'm calling this segment yet, so I'll probably just try a couple of titles on for size. To the five people total that read this shit- -feel free to make suggestions.

"Installment One" (sorry, that's all the creativity I could muster after watching an hour's worth of Computer Based Training Videos about our upcoming computer upgrade) has been cut and pasted from company email against the will of the author, Jesse. He's gay, so he's earned the ol' Girl Scouts Red Badge of Bitchery- -honorary member. Enjoy.....or continue watching kiddie porn on the other monitor- -either way, I'm ambivelant.



Clearly, the person in this bunny suit is a malnourished Guantanamo Bay prisoner, test piloting a new form of interrogation. Just look at how tight a grip “W” has on that poor man’s wrist. “Alright, IbDjad- we didn’t wanna do this. But if you don’t start tellin’ us where them Commie Jap Jihadists hid the bombs, we’re gonna make you W’s personal cuddle toy. And he wont be gentle.”