Installment Numero Uno in a Vast Montage of Annoyance

Every day in my job I encounter people who amaze me- -not in their abilities, intelligence or achievement, but in how they were able to get a driver’s license, or get by without wearing Velcro/slip-on shoes. These people are the silent con-artists of society. It’s almost like a ventriloquist act that they play with themselves, to hilariously fool us into thinking they are intelligent, capable and worthy of gainful employment. Sadder still, the joke is on us, People, because some of said people earn significantly better livings than we do…cue the “better luck next time, Loser” brass horn sound à la “The Price is Right.”





One of said people is someone I work quite closely with, but please recognize that there are hierarchical discrepancies in our jobs. Occasionally, he will go through the motions of trying to understand something remedial about our collective jobs…and, from time to time, I will humor myself and try to educate him on the various “wow-a-chimpanzee-could-do-this!” aspects of our job. Today was one of those days where he stood at my desk and made a spectacularly precious face while I explained one of our computer systems. Now, I’m not Steve Jobs, so this was an extremely high-level overview of something very basic. Even still as I explained, he furnished a false expression of understanding accompanied by the frequent blinking and blank stares typically reserved for people wearing helmets. After a valiant attempt, I gave up and told him a story about the computer fairies that live in the computer and make things work….that seemed a little more palatable. I mean, I’m not going to be the one to tell the little fella that there’s no Santa Clause.